My life just got a lot more boring. There wasn’t much I could do for awhile. There is still a good bit I cannot do at the moment (2.5 months later).
At this point I had taken up sleeping in a recliner. I had bad feelings about getting out of bed since this is where and when my falls seem to take place. Also, the recliner made it easier for me to get up and down and I could also use my arms to change position instead of having to try turning my body. Lying on my back in the bed was not an option. It hurt to lie flat, even when I rested my legs on a pillow like the physical therapist suggested-to take pressure off my back. I could not roll over to get comfortable in bed. Anytime I tried to roll over I would get really bad pain. Boy did I miss sleeping with my husband, with all my pillows and blankets. My bed was and is my safe place. My bed is the place that brings me happiness and comfort when the rest of the world is too much to bear. I slept in the recliner for about 2 months.
Next to the recliner I had a walker that I would use to help pull myself up when I was ready to get out of the recliner.
For awhile I could not make it to the floor to play with my baby. This was tough for me to deal with. My baby wasn’t getting the tummy time that is recommended. I was scared this would set her back in her development (it didn’t thank god). It is still hard for me to get up from a seated position on the floor. I cannot lie on the floor whatsoever or on my stomach.
I also invested in one of those stylish plastic shower seats. I felt classy having a seat in my shower—not.
I couldn’t blow dry my hair for a solid month. It would hurt anytime I lifted my arms for any period of time. It even hurt when I would lean forward to brush my teeth or wash dishes or even my hands for that matter.
I wasn’t able to hold my baby at all for awhile, even in my lap.
I couldn’t walk any further than across my house.
I couldn’t do any cook. This may not be a big deal to some people, but I am one of those people that enjoy cooking breakfast and dinner for my husband.
I didn’t drive for a month.
Then, a little bit of sun started to peak through the dark clouds. I know Facebook can be trivial and insignificant, but something in me told me to look for a support group for people with Osteoporosis or Osteopenia. I was looking for someone to relate to or that had been through what I had been going through. I wanted to know other’s experiences and find out if I should have hope that the pain would get better. I wanted tips on how I could improve my situation. I was in a few groups for breastfeeding and some local mom groups, so I figured there had to be something out there for me to connect with others.
One thing led to another and I found it. There was a group full of people just like me. When I say full I mean 150-200 or so ladies. But, they all went through or was going through what I was. This is one of the main things that has helped get me out of my depression. The support and experiences these ladies have shared is off the charts. I felt like I was in a room with 200 of my best friends.
These ladies have educated me and given me more paths and options and suggestions and ideas of what was happening than any of my doctors have. I feel like my doctors hit a dead end and gave up. With these ladies, I have other experiences to pull from. I have further testing I could suggest to my doctors, ways I could hopefully improve my bone density, but the most important, I have hope again.
I have hope that one day I will not be in pain and I could be the mother I wanted to be. The mother I have been waiting my whole life to be. I have hope that one day I will be able to pick up my baby. I have hope that one day I will be able to carry my baby to her bed and put her down for the night. I have hope that I will be able to take my baby on walks around the neighborhood. I have hope that I will be able to enjoy family vacations and all the things I enjoy doing like hiking. I have hope that my life can and will continue. As one of my other doctors said (completely unrelated to this situation), this is only a speed bump.
This isn’t easy. It may all sound minor (to some it may sounds major), but I have been in pain for going on 3 months now and some days, it’s the hope that gets me through.