Currently

Alright, now we are pretty much caught up on the major points of the past.

This week I started physical therapy again. I am more hopeful this time. I remember telling my friend I do not want to get my hopes up and she told me, “it may help, it may not, but regardless, being pessimistic won’t help anything”. She has a point there.

Even when my physical therapist was explaining things to me, he said I did not sound too hopeful. It is something I am working on.

In reality, I wouldn’t say I am not hopeful or not optimistic, its like I have to learn how to trust my body again.

I know to most people that doesn’t make sense. Most people don’t think about their bodies and what and how they work and move. When you can’t use your body or do certain things, your body and how it works and moves comes into the spotlight.

Do me a favor, whoever is reading this. Suck in your stomach. Did you have to think much about it? Did you have to think about what muscles you used to do it?

I told the physical therapist that I could not suck in my stomach. He told me I just have to learn how to use those muscles again. It is a weird to think that you have to think about such things.

I guess it would be similar to people who get into accidents and have to learn how to walk.

All in all, this physical therapist said that you have many little muscles in your back. During pregnancy these muscles pretty much quit working. Then you have large muscles that you use for limited movements. My muscle spasms happened because these large muscles got over worked. He said pretty much the same thing as my previous therapist ,but this one showed my pictures and better explained it. He also explained that the muscles in your pelvis relax to let the baby through. I pushed for 3 hours so I am sure they were relaxed and allowing for my pelvis to open. Also, I did end up having a C-Section. This further stretched and weakened my ab muscles. These also support your spine. I think because of this combination, my body just failed at its job to support allowing for my fractures to happen.

Don’t get my wrong, I know the relaxed pelvises, etc., happens to all pregnant people. I am just one of the unlucky ones that had all these issues as a result.

I do feel more confident in the concept of my recovery. Knowing the the muscle situation now and seeing what happened through pictures, I am more comfortable moving my body and regaining my muscle use.

Anyways, here is to healing. After 9 months of pregnancy, 3 months of fighting back pain to take care of my baby and 3 months in a back brace healing from compression fractures, hopefully this is FINALLY the beginning of the end. I am hopeful that I will soon be able to take care of my baby like I always pictured I would.

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