So I know its been awhile since I have posted. I am becoming more and more active in my child’s life, so naturally, I have been more occupied with that.
I don’t like how that sounds… I am becoming more active in my child’s life. It sounds like I am a parent that has been away that is trying to work their way back in.
I guess in a way I was away. I was physically there, but I wasn’t. I was there from an outsiders point of view it felt like. All of this was only a few months ago but it feels like yesterday.
I have really been stepping up and really trying to adapt my actions to be able to care for my baby. She is almost 9 months old now and 18 lbs.
I am keeping her about half the time while my husband is at work now. Its still hard. Everyday is hard, every night is hard. I still have pain when I have to pick her up and bend over and put her back down. This is something she wants to do all day. Up and down, up and down.
I still have pain at night when I lay in bed. When I try to turn over, it still hurts. It hurts in the morning when it is time for me to get out of bed. Add a crying, hungry baby to this and it makes it a little more difficult.
I am still trying to figure it all out.
I have dropped down going to physical therapy to twice a week. This fits me better financially and my schedule with now having to take care of the baby more. I will say I felt better when I was going 3 times a week, but at least I am still going.
Don’t get me wrong, I do see progress. I am thankful for my progress. It is still just such a lifestyle change.
Where I am from, I used to go out in the boat fishing and ride 4-wheelers. I am terrified to attempt to do these things. I love to hike, I am not sure if I will be doing that anytime soon either.
I watched someone’s workout video on Facebook today. She made simple thinks like twisting and bending look easy and effortless. For most people, these things are easy and effortless.
I think I am still at that point where I am scared to fracture again. Without having obvious signs of my bone health, it is hard to know if I am having any improvement. I have another round of blood work coming up in November and another DEXA scan in April 2018. These are the only ways to really know what is going on, but even here there are margins for error.
I am 26. This should be one of the best times of my life. I should be thriving and living. But, I am not. If I am having these types of problems at 26, what will 30 look like, or 40, or 50?
I am thankful it is what it is at this point. I acknowledge it could be things much worse. It is just difficult some days.
On another note: I thought I was ready to go back to work. I submitted a cover letter and my resume for a part-time position. I set up an interview and everything. Then, I realized I am not ready to leave my baby. I am just now becoming the stay home mom I wanted to be. So, I canceled the interview. I know this doesn’t sound professional, but I can’t help but to look back a smile at it. I can’t leave my baby when I am just now being able to mother her….